Do girls ever miss their first love?

New session of third year started. Again some new feelings stirred.

At the last exam of my proff , I went out in evening and broke up for real . As usual he didn't believe it or treat it seriously. To add some seriousness I blocked him.

But somewhere there too I wanted to make him jealous that someone else is getting my attention.

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That's when I met a batchmate . We started off as friends but he was interested in me. I was doubtful but soon I started liking him too. I never knew I would love him so madly that one day I would have to move on.

Forgiveness “ he couldn't love me , it's okay, these things can't be forced”

Sadness “ why can't I be happy like him”

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Somehow block unblock never worked , being batchmates we saw each other everyday. I am introvert , have hardly any male friends , so any news about class or anything, he gave it. After a while I thought I should let it go , Mbbs will soon end .

I always thought first love is the guy who comes first in sequence of liking. I had a brief period of friendship appearing like relationship with a guy in early days of first year. He couldn't let his insecurities go and eventually he left me . As expected I was broken , wondering he was my first love ,how will I move on ?

Most often women decide to leave first , and move on but it's never easy , if they have loved. They put efforts and keep tolerating to an extent that it crosses their limit and once they break , they don't look back.

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All these took up most of my second year days of college.

Then it changed into hate

Reels say men can't get over their first love

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I tried to Have a new crush to move on. I was in myth that all is fine as long as I focus myself on admiring new crush .

First few months were great . Slowly I saw myself not becoming his priority. He had trust issues ,doubts etc. Somehow we pulled it to a complete year but behind the scenes most of the months I was in tears.

Then again to crying.

Why can't my adopted sister accept she is not part of my family because she isn't related? Why can't she stop calling my parents mum and dad?

And about the question , I guess it doesn't matter if girl or guy misses their first love or not. Once it ends, it should be closed for good. More chapters are to come , and before someone else gets the baggage of our failed first love , we should heal.

Now there is only one feeling

Then it changed into anger “ why did I have to love him?”

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I was crying “ why can't he love me the way I do?”

I heard somewhere “ you shouldn't read those chapters whose outcome you already know”.

I wanted to add a diary entry I had written during those proff days of second year. While reading it today I realised how difficult it might have been writing it back then… lucky him , to be loved by a writer huh

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I got hobbies , cultivated myself. I guess at times I remember him , naah i don't remember him particularly, I remember my love for him . I regret that it was so pure and got wasted on him.

Soon I will be in final year. And I am still fighting this , I know someday I will stop remembering him. I am waiting for that someday.

It was never easy to decide to break up . In my head I had committed myself to him , his flaws didn't bother me , I loved him for real. What bothered me was ,me putting in efforts ,love , time and him not being able to put even love in it.

What is the naughtiest fantasy that you've lived out?

Jealousy “ why is he so normal even after breakup?”

Despair “ why can't he try to text me in some other way , guys text from so many apps or numbers after getting blocked”